Week 6: Backup and Review

From Sunday's Announcements

My favorite part of the announcements this week was absolutely the Creativity graphic. I firmly believe that the one thing that has led me to be more creative as a person is admitting to myself and others that I don't know everything, and celebrating that. The world would be horribly, horribly dull if we knew everything! There's so much to find out still in the world, that I don't think I'll ever be bored. A mission I've been on through my college career has been learning to ask more questions, and not just assume I'll figure something out later. Sometimes it's still a little tough, but I've gotten so much better at it! I kind of want to print this out and hang it on my wall somewhere. Maybe I will!

Week 6: Famous Last Words

Empty stadium the Thursday before the game. Source: Personal photos

This week was a mish-mash of getting things done and putting things off.

I got my reading in on time this week, which was cool, but a Data Structures project due Monday evening made it impossible for me to do any bonus for this class for the second week in a row! I'm trying to finish up early so I can focus on my other four classes at the end of the semester, but it's getting tougher and tougher to get assignments done without using the grace period.

I wasn't thrilled with my writing this week, mostly because I had a fair bout of writer's block and wasn't feeling inspired by the Mahabharata. I also waited until late in the evening one night to write my project introduction, so there were more errors and inconsistencies than I really like to have in my stories. I tend to write really long stories as well, so I'm trying to pare those down as time goes on.

One thing I did manage was to get out to the stadium a couple times this week to run stairs, and I think I've found my new favorite form of exercise! I'm going to take advantage of the stadium being unlocked as long as I can, because I know it isn't normal to do that in most towns.

The Engineers' Club pre-game feed went really well this week too! We sold out of our breakfast burritos and had lots of people come out and say hi to us. If you're ever in the area on gameday, we're on the corner of Asp and Boyd, and we make truly delicious food, so come out and see what's up!

This week I've got two tests coming up, so I really need to buckle down and get work done... just like every other day of the semester. Such is the plight of the engineer, and everyone else having a hard semester!

Week 6: Canva Quote Tech Tip

Made on Canva

I've been wanting a new wallpaper for my computer, and I chose to use one of my favorite quotes from John Steinbeck's East of Eden (on my reading list, but haven't read it yet!) and I think it turned out pretty well!

Week 6 Storytelling: Come Up For Air

Ocean stock photo from Pexels

Have you ever choked? Not on your food or anything, I mean like when you're presented with some big decision and it feels like everything is riding on that moment and all of a sudden your brain shuts down and of all the words you know, you can string together maybe five in a row to form a semi-coherent sentence?

"Uh- I- no, I- I can't do- no."

Yeah, that was a good one. You tell 'em, Yudhi. At least there were five different words there, even if they didn't make a real sentence.

What was I supposed to do? What does anyone do in that situation? You're asked to be king, to take the throne from the half of the family that your side just slaughtered, that's not a decision that anyone can take lightly. So I ran. I guess I decided before it all started, but I didn't get it. I didn't have blood on my hands. I ran further.

I honestly thought I could take half the kingdom back without spilling blood. I knew that wars had happened before, but there had to be something else that could be done. It was through a fault of one of the parties controlling the battlefield, controlling the assets, controlling something too large for them to deal with, that death ever came. They must have been quick to temper, or impatient, or unfair. It couldn't have been inevitable.

I came into this position and thought, 'yeah, I can handle this. I can rule better than those before me, and I can do it with one hand tied behind my back'. It's not a matter of how likeable or reasonable or fair someone is. Some people will refuse to see your way and that's it. It's time to fight. No such thing as talking it out, or compromising. It's all or nothing.

Then....then it's your kin on the line. It's your friends, your family, the people who have known you since you were a child but have wronged you in some way--but shouldn't there still be some provision? Shouldn't they, at least, listen to reason? Or have some respect for the boundaries between family and politics?

I'm telling you this because I need reassurance that it was reasonable for me to bolt. That when I tripped over myself to get out the door, it was expected. It shouldn't surprise anyone at my need to leave the room, to get somewhere that wasn't so confining, where the walls couldn't close in. When I stuttered words as their hands moved towards the crown, that everyone saw it coming.

I made it as far as the beach without stopping.

Breathing hard, as hard as I had in battle just a few days earlier, if not harder, the weight of what was happening hit me and my breaths got shorter, catching in my chest and sitting there, irregular beats on a drum with the mismatch pounding of my heart. I grasped fistfulls of sand, comforted by the silky-scratchy feel, letting myself form fists, then letting it sift through my fingers, then a fist again, then through my fingers.

I shuddered as my breaths drew more regular. I had no idea if I could be a good king. All my life had been a mess, leading from one place to another. I knew that I could be a pretty great nomad, but I wasn't sure about anything else. Getting a few members of your family to follow you around is one thing, but leading an entire country? That was the tough part. How do you get respect, how do you make decisions, or judgements, and how do you reconcile being a firm king, yet one who encourages creativity, a good natured king who is tough on criminals...

There wasn't ever a good answer, except that I almost knew I couldn't be the right choice.

I looked up at the night sky, past the clouds and into the stars.

I felt small. And feeling small--well, it felt good.

I think I'll stay a while.

********

Author's Note: This week, the accompanying song is Miracle Mile, by the Cold War Kids. Truly great song, and once again, was on repeat while I was writing. I wanted to explore further Yudhisthira's moment of insecurity after they win the battle, and expand on it, so that's what I did. I didn't change the setting or bring in many characters, because I really wanted to look at self doubt and what it does to a person. This brought up some interesting quandaries that I've been having with myself recently, and it was good to take a look at those in writing and make changes based on that.

The Mahabharata, by R. K. Narayan (1978). Web Source: Reading Guide.

Week 6 Reading Diary B

Merciless killing of Abhimanyu, from Wikipedia

Today, I finished up the last quarter of Narayan's Mahabharata. This reading really, really reminded me of the Lord of the Rings series, as well as Game of Thrones, though a little less of the latter. A solid chunk of the reading today was edited out because it was too battle and strategy heavy, as noted in a footnote, and yet it was still very much focused on the battle. A lot of the text came from who was fighting who, if they had died yet, when they died, why they died, the long journey to their current standpoint...

That said, there was still a lot of good material there. Yudhisthira continually makes me question his ability to be king, but it makes a lot more sense as we're dealing with half-god, half-men, instead of in the last epic, where Rama was flawless. It's interesting to see the parallels between the stories, both heir apparents ousted from their place of being into exile for a long time, and then fighting a battle and resuming their throne.

It's also really interesting that the wives consistently get treated incredibly poorly. Sita was also a goddess incarnate, and therefore flawless, and Rama was fairly terrible to her after they left exile. Similarly, Draupadi does nothing but sticks her neck out for her men, and gets absolutely nothing in return. Like, she yells at them every now and then. And that's it.

I feel like every week this just turns more and more towards me being entirely indignant for the women in the epics. They're awesome, awesome characters, and yet they're treated like cardboard cutouts for the men to enjoy but not worry about past that.

Week 6 Reading Diary A

Draupadi and the Pandavas, from Wikipedia

This week, I continued reading Narayan's Mahabharata. I found this week's reading more interesting than the last two sections--I think this was mostly because last week, I took the time to make a character chart and write out who everyone was, so I had a better idea of who was interacting with each other. 

So far, Duryodhana has been acting increasingly like a B-movie villian. When offered Krishna or a million soldiers, he is THRILLED that Arjuna asks for Krisha. Textbook. When everyone around him is telling him that the war is pointless and they're all going to die, he gets mad and throws himself further on the stake.

I really liked the story where Yudhisthira was tested for hours, and for me it redeemed his earlier actions of losing the entire kingdom, his brothers, and his wife because he enjoys gambling. I think he's learned, or at least is wiser now, and my confidence in him to run a kingdom has been restored. He also tends to be a little ahead of the rest of the brothers, except for Arjuna, who really shone in this section. Given the chance to get out and drive a chariot for the prince, Arjuna takes it and does well, until the Prince starts freaking out on him. I think this could make for a pretty good comedic story, though I'm not sure how I would change the setting.

I also liked how Draupadi was just too pretty for her not to go unnoticed during her time in exile. Everyone else went incognito just fine, but men were throwing themselves at her constantly, and in turn, said men died. 

Overall, I'm excited for this week's storytelling, because I think there's a lot to work from in this section!