Storytelling Week 7: It's Only Fair

What Arjun probably looked like, or, Grumpy Cat, from Wikimedia

Twelve years.

Twelve years the brothers had waited in exile, and a thirteenth was before them, though they had the luxury of reentering civilized society, even though it had to be under false identities. The brothers were busy creating their new identities, sitting around a campfire in the woods on the last day of their exile, but Arjun was lost in thought. Sure, it would be fine to last one more year, they had already done twelve, but couldn't they just go to war now? Or at least go talk to family again? At least do something besides this wretched sitting around and waiting. And finding new identities, of course. Arjun thought the whole idea was rather unfortunate, but he went along with it, until...

"And Arjun, you'll have to dress as a woman. There's really no other way around it." Yudhisthira brought Arjun out of his deep thought, causing him to stammer.

"Wh- wait, no, hold on, I didn't hear what everyone else was going to be! I need a recap!" Arjun, being the great warrior that he was, would dress in something a little more relevant to his profession for a year than using his slight, wiry frame to pose as the fairer sex.

"If you had been listening, you wouldn't need one." Yudhisthira tutted and looked as to go on with the conversation, as if the matter were settled.

"No- but- okay, so I wasn't listening, fine, could you still tell me who's being what?" Arjun pleaded with his older brother, knowing Yudhisthira would have to give in eventually.

After a long pause, Yudhisthira agreed.

"Alright, but you have to listen this time, because I really don't feel like going over it again."

"I'm listening, I'm listening!" Arjun folded his hands in his lap and peered at his brother attentively.

"Alright. For obvious reasons, those being that I'm the oldest and smartest, I'm going to act as a Brahmin." Yudhisthira seemed particularly pleased with himself about this decision.

"Ah, yes, it seems only fair that you'd get first pick since you're the one that got us into this anyway," Arjun shot back at his brother.

"Hey! One moment of weakness!" Yudhisthira paused, regained his composure, and continued.

"Bhima will be a cook. He's the best of all of us, and the kitchen is a natural place for him to hear any secrets or whisperings of Duryodhana or if people have discovered us."

Arjun shrugged. Bhima looked particularly excited about his new profession as a cook, which was fair enough, as the rest of the brothers together couldn't put together a dinner if their life depended on it, which it rarely did.

"Nakula and Sahadeva will keep the horses and cattle, respectively. They're twins, and near indistinguishable from each other, so this is only fitting. We're running out of jobs and the twins need to mirror each other or they get fussy." Yudhisthira smiled forgivingly at the twins, who, to their character, were not paying any more attention then Arjun had been originally.

"So that leaves you, and as we're completely out of other jobs for you to do, you'll need to teach music and dancing and you'll be go much more unnoticed in that role if your gender is at least a little ambiguous."

"No but there are plenty of other jobs! I could train young princes, perhaps, or be Bhima's sous chef, even be a jester! There are at least twelve things I could do instead," Arjun argued. He was a little exasperated,  seeing as he was the middle brother and yet seemed to get job least suited to him.

"Heck, I could help Nakula with the cattle!" Arjun begged his brother. He didn't know the first thing about music, and had two left feet when it came to dancing.

"That would be impossible," Yudhisthira said sagely.

"Why, that's entirely possible!" Arjun was at the end of his rope. He barely even sang in the shower, much less in front of people, and he wasn't about to give lessons to anyone!

"No. Couldn't do it. Nakula has the horses, you see, so helping him with the cattle would be completely futile. Besides, I'm older, and you have to do what I say. So practice your scales and your twirls, because you'll be convincing someone you're excellent at these tomorrow morn. Remember, we must all make sacrifices."

Arjun complied, but only because Yudhisthira had played the ultimate trump card. As he went to sleep that night, he muttered, and eventually had dreams of the days to come... He could be heard even into the wee hours of the night, grumbling, "...sacrifices...I'll tell you about sacrifices...." until Yudhisthira threw a branch in his direction and told him to shut it.

*****

Alright, a shorter, lighthearted story about that time the princes chose their professions and Arjun wasn't thrilled about having to be a music teacher. In reality though, everyone gets something generally suited towards what they do, and I thought it would be amusing if Arjun pitched a fit about what he had to spend a year doing. If I'm feeling inspired, I might write a follow up when the story comes up again. Maybe I'll find a way to work it into my storybook... Though that would be the tiniest bit subversive. We'll see! Honestly, this was the first time a story I've written hasn't been paired with a specific song, and that's because the song I was writing to pertains in no way whatsoever to the subject matter at hand. It's a Christmas song, and that's all that matters. I think this was also the first story I tried to be a little more comedic than usual, and I hope that worked out all right! I hope you enjoyed, and that your week goes smoothly from here on out!


"The Five Tall Sons Of Pandu" by Richard Wilson, from The Indian Story Book (1914). Web Source: The Internet Archive